Extreme Independence – A Trauma Response

Most times, the inability to accept support from others is a trauma response.

Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you.

From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you.

From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a haven that honoured your heart.

From the friendships and family who always took more than they ever gave you.

From all the situations when someone told you “we are in this together” or “I have your back” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces of your life when issues became real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.

From all the lies, all the betrayals and backstabs.

You learned along the way that you just couldn’t trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain extent.

We had all, at a point in our lives, let down by the people whom we least expected it from, those we could look up to when things become hectic, but they turned away. By so doing, we began learning survival techniques and how to build up our lives without their support.

Although some could have a reason for turning away, which may not be intentional but, without explanation from them and allowing us to figure out by ourselves, we draw the conclusions that lead us to the path of Extreme Independence and equip our mind with the Trauma Response.

But, we owe it to ourselves to forgive them even without their asking, probably because of ego. So, we could heal and move on. There’s more to life when we look forward to the future than holding on to grudges of the past that keep pulling us back.

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